He hair had no shine to it, she looked cold, outside, friendless. And of course, she was."No" Ms Steward said."Um, excuse me?" said Jane. "No to what?" but she feared she allready knew. Her face turned red."There is only one reason a young woman doing research on such things would approach me. You wish to join us, and I can't blame you, but the answer is no. We simply have no use of you."Jane heard the words wash over her and felt completely unprepared for them. Her immediate thought was that she must not cry. How pathetic was she? She had thought that because she had found out the secret, because she had shown herself to be intelligent, eager, the order would accept her. That they would view her exactly like everybody else seemed to, as someone whom you had no use for, had never struck her mind. The world spun around her, no it must not be, it couldn't be, she must do something!She looked around desperately, grabbing a letter opener from a shelf in Ms Steward's office. She pushed it. When I got home, my mom told me that she had found a job and that we were going to move to another part of the city and that she had also found an apartment (more like a flat). She was also going to take in boarders so she could make more money.I was now ## and I read and re-read the book the movie manager had given me. It showed everything men would do to other men. Sucking, fucking, pissing on each other, drinking piss and all that stuff.There was a park about 2 blocks from where we lived and a lot of softball was played there. The bathroom in the park was just right for me. It had only 1 toilet and 1 long urinal. I would go in and sit down on the toilet and wait for someone to come in. When they would come in and take a piss, I was right there staring at their cocks. Once in a while some guy would get a hard on watching me watching him and I would suck it for him. One time I did that, he went out side and told a few other guys about it and all of them cam in and I sucked them all..
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